Having a random hookup so left but love u
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
