I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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