Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
