My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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