I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
