Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
