also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
