this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
