dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
