I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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