i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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