I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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