i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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