I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
