i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
