He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
