wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
