Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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