It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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