Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
