i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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