Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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