Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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