there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
