i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
