you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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