Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
