but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
