Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
