Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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