one two three fourrrrnication!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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