Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
