i just wanna soil my oats bro
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
