so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
