Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
