I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
