Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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