The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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