people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
