There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
