I cannot find my penis.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were trust falling into bushes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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