Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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