No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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