he puts the penis in happiness.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
