I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
