i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
