i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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