Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
