i will never coherently bang her
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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