i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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