Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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