You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
