I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Randomize
