Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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