so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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