i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
