it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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