I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
