Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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