The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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