I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
