So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
