i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
