I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
