Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
