bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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