sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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