Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
