you would pick up someone in the library
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
