I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
