I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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