I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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