I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
