Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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