I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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