hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
