my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
