He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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