we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
