I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
