I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think your dad took our porno
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
