i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize