you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
