Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
