Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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