after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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