I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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