i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize