if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
