You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
