Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
